The Hot Potato Pass

Posted on March 26, 2012. Filed under: History, Humor, Mythology | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , |

Okay, everybody enjoy those Spam sandwiches while we continue our cruise through historical straits.  Don’t worry about running short on those delicacies, cuz I got a storeroom full of them. 

It’s quite a legacy Gutenberg and his tryst with Pandora left to us.  On the one hand, we have teeming variants of that original pP fungus while, on the other hand, we are tethered to mind control devices that delude us into thinking that other peoples’ thoughts are actually our own.  Sort of a Terran version of the Vulcan mind-meld. 

(I’m still a little miffed with Sydney ’cause I had to scratch my crotch-rot (the word) as a fungal ailment from my Little p Big P post.  She got out there ahead of me with her “firecrotch” bit.   On another note, it is still a mystery how those mountain folk got their hands on that Thor’s Thunder Juice recipe, which — after a few modifications, and more than a few hair-of-the-dog mornings — they dubbed white lightning.)

Back at Olympus (the mountain), we learn that our old friend, Hermes, was a pivotal player in today’s run-amok social intricacies.  At one of their get-to-gathers, the gods thought it would be a ripping good joke to drop a ton of misery and other ill-fortune on all too mortal humanity.  Since guys sort of ran things, it was decided that loosing a clumsy, misfortunate femme-fatale among them would liven things up.  Hermes suggested equipping that body by Zeus with a little box that had a trick lid, sort of like a jack-in-the-box.  The others went for it, and, as the box was passed around, each put in his own little joke:  Ted Koppel, the pox, litigation attorneys, plague, instant messenger, a-bombs, Meet the Press…  Oh, yeah!  Now this was gonna be a hoot.  Hera suggested the name “Susan” but Hermes won the day with his “Pandora” entry.  Hera would have to wait until the 21st Century to see it her way; she hasn’t missed a single episode of Desperate Housewives.

We already found out that Hermes had dumped that big drag — that gopher-of-the-gods thing — onto Mercury.  That gig got old for Mercury, too, and when he saw  a new species of god emerging (that would be a branch of the Great Learned called “experts”) he groaned and then looked around for a suitable patsy…   protegé…  a suitable protegé.  As luck would have it, on one of his courier runs to the Underworld, he passed a back alley where some local drunks were ardently involved in a contest of whose-puddle-has-the-highest-foam.  He started to rush away in disgust when he realized these bozos had Yohan’s recent improvement on the gossip machine, and — in an epiphimous flash — shouted, “THESE are my BOYS!”  And, just like that, the god-like power of the messenger gig was pissed…   er, passed…   passed on to these fresh, wide-eyed…   street drunks?…   who were all caught up in themselves.

Wikipedia thanks me very much for not mentioning them at all this time.

Next up:  The Merger

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Mercury, The Winged One

Posted on March 8, 2012. Filed under: Humor, Mythology | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , |

(Roman god of commerce and rhetoric)

I’m not going to blather on about him just yet.  I only stuck his name up there ’cause he got lots better press than his Greek cousin, Hermes.  But, trust me, Hermes is where all the action was.

Maybe I sold the a-musing chicks in the previous posting a little short, because Mercury (the planet) has been orbiting around in my mind all night while I tried to think up something fairly trite to go on about in this post.  (With just a little effort, I could have made that sentence a bit longer.)  I guess, maybe, Urania the misfit, figuring I would pick up on the Mercury-Hermes connection, just wanted to get her brother a little press…   Oooh, yeah!  Her brother.

Ah, those Greek gods were really into that procreation thing.  This time around, that old dog…   uh, god…   Zeus hooked up with Maia (I’m not one to start rumors, but, I’ve heard she was a Pleiad) and their dalliance culminated in the form of Hermes, the common man’s god for all seasons.

Commerce and trade, in those ancient times, was exemplified by the farm industry, so Hermes first godly gig was to watch out for herds of cattle and sheep.  “The sixth sheik’s sixth sheep was sick” was a verbal sobriety test he gave to lonely, stoned shepherds out in the pastures.  He did not tolerate drunk (herd) driving.  Bad for commerce, you know.

Those ancient pastures were really dark when there was no full moon.  Where the woodlands started, that’s where you could find the satyr-like Pan chasing after a whole slew of nymphs…   chicks in today’s parlance.  Hermes was a strapping young god, and he liked hanging out with this crowd.  After all, like father, like son.

In connection with the commerce and trade thing, Hermes also got the post of commissioner…  make that diety…  of roads and doorways. We all read the news these days, and we know what kind of off-the-book perks this gig offers.  Did Hermes indulge himself?

Next up: Wealth:  Hermes was not concerned with the “how”

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Muse to the Rescue

Posted on March 6, 2012. Filed under: General Interest, Humor | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , |

Greek mythology.  If you went to high school, you know about all those ancient Greeks and their gods and goddesses.  They had one for everything.  Should something new come up that they had no god/goddess for, just get a couple of them together in a procreative way and, BOOM, you got tailor-made divinity (the Mount Olympus kind, not the candy).

Case in point:  Zeus, king of the gods, and Mnemosyne, goddess of memory.  Some of the arts needed a little regal backup, so out pops — not one, not two, but — NINE little misses…  uh, muses.  Here, count ’em for yourself:  Calliope, Clio, Erato, Euterpe, Melpomene, Polyhymnia, Terpsichore, Thalia, and Urania.  For your own safety, just count them, don’t try to pronounce them.  In order of appearance, their specialties are:  epic poetry, history, love poetry, lyric poetry, tragedy, sacred song, dance, comedy, and astronomy.  Hmmm.  Star gazing is one of the arts?  Maybe Urania was the one disappointment in the litter.  Hey, it can happen in any family.

Quit looking around on those navigation charts, and pay attention here.  You were warned about my lack of navigation skills and a tendency to digress in my first two posts not more than a month ago.  You’ve already booked passage, so suck it up, me bucko!

Situation here is I’ve run aground just short of Inspiration Point, and, I thought maybe one of those divine chicks might put a big boot in my, uh, CPU and get me on course.  Three of those girls are into poetry, one is a dancer, and yet another is a gospel singer;  I’m just not feeling it.  Since I’m stuck in NOW, the history major won’t work, either.  Tragedy?  Now, there you got your big downer, and I’m already at a low point.  Comedy is a frame of mind, and we previously established that I don’t have that…   the frame part.  Star gazing involves all those charts, and, we don’t really want to go there, do we?  0 for 9.  Now what?  A lot more work for SID (i.e., Ship’s Inane Digressor)?

Next:  We will get through this.

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