How A Little P Became A Big P

Posted on March 24, 2012. Filed under: History, Humor, language, Mythology | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , |

No!  Definitely NOT a physiology class.  More of a chemistry thing.  Previously, we left Yohan (as his buds called him) nursing a world-class hang over, possibly resulting from a bad guilt trip over his soon-to-be-realized ripple effect on global societies.  Or, maybe, from a cheap wine called Thor’s Thunder Juice – 100% Natural.  Can’t corroborate that because history, like expensive PC software today, does suffer considerable “corruption” of its records.  Unlike software (a planned obsolescence product) you cannot buy an upgrade of historical data because — like the software license disclaimer states no one is taking responsibility for lost data.

Judging from the long-term nausea engendered by printing on demand, I have to conclude that Yohan took time out from his copy of Victoria’s Secret (the cookbook) for a late-night assignation with a mysterious vixen called Dora, only to find out later when he clumsily knocked her “jewelry” box off the bed stand that her full name was Pandora, of Greek descent.  Thunder Juice or no, Yohan got down on the floor with her and they both groped around trying to get those little squirmers back into the box.  Yohan did notice that one of the escaped critters seem to blow him a kiss as it disappeared from view.  He described it later as having button-like studs all over it and a little window displaying the letters “xoxo” (there is but one brief account of this in a moldy, later edition of Victoria’s Secret (the cookbook) under “Letters to the Chef).  Yeah.  That’s my story, and…

Now, about the pP thing.  Back then, it was guys that made the world go around.  And, always with guys, size is important.  In the printing business, I’m sure those inkers were very keen on owning the biggest press available, and, over at the local watering hole that catered to printers, et alia, the boast “my press is bigger than your press” got a lot of laughs.  Rapid printing meant that you could get away from printing slow-changing text books and those old and tired authoritarian government edicts and actually blab about something in almost real-time.  These new blabbers called themselves reporters, an obvious ploy to redecorate the term gossip-monger.  Vying to get the best gossip,,,   story...    to the public first, caused an epidemic of swollen egos floating their pride in lots of suds at the local pub.  But, the competition did not end with the longest belch; out back, at the walled trench that passed for a public rest room, the contestants lined up to see whose puddle had the biggest head of foam on it.  The prize:  the winner could now truthfully boast, “My pee is bigger than your pee!”

Back in the press club, this spore group that would propagate like fungus to become reporters, paparazzi, columnists, anchor persons, journalists, bleah, bleah, bleah, came to a common conclusion:  they were BIG in every way.  Big printers, big egos, big pee, big mouths.  It was inevitable that one of them would see the word press and subconsciously realize that “since my pee is bigger than Ed’s pee, the p in my press ought to be bigger than the p in his press.”  So, whenever you see the phrase “The Press,” you are not seeing a claim to elite status, but a brash boast that the touter has come out on top in an ancient, drunken male ritual called a pissing contest.

Next up:  An update on my cynicism

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Agenda: 20-20 Hindsight

Posted on March 15, 2012. Filed under: General Interest, Humor | Tags: , , , , , , , , , |

Getting my feet wet in this little pond (bloggery for penury) has been a bit of fun, even though the first month was spent trying to find a new laptop.  I needed a bit more oomph than my cheapo pc’s 250 mega-hertz processor speed.  Got that (2.2 giga-hertz) and, instead of a 5-minute response time, my mail now loads in a couple of seconds (I know, for some of you that’s way too slow, but, I’m still blown away by the speed of those new Model T Fords — topping out in excess of 25 mph).  But, as I then found out, speed isn’t everything.

Old flame burning in my eyes.  Ten years working with Windows XP.  I was just learning a lot of the hidden tricks to find my way around in that thing.  No way I was going to spend 100+ dollars on a book that moves with the tempo of “Hi, kids…  its…   a…   won-der-ful…   day…   in…   the…   neigh-bor-hod…” when I needed answers NOW.  XP and I were just becoming an item.  Microsoft’s new pain…   I mean pane…   Windows 7, seems to be the (immediate?) future.  I hope it lasts longer than that “Vista” mistake.

New language, new keyboard, and — yep, new problems.  What are all of these keys and symbols on this hp keyboard?  I’m a touch typist, and, I just have no feel for “home” on those keys.  One neat feature, I thought, was the “blog” template in the word processor.  I used it for my first posting, hit publish, and, there for the world to see, was what looked like textual scrambled eggs.  Real quick, I learned about the “trash” option on the WordPress “edit” screen.  My adaptive response has been to type the posting out in XP then copy it via that confusing hp keyboard (because of the faster processor speed which allows me to make mistakes faster) directly onto the WordPress Write a Post work sheet.  Thus, the missing words, letters, and misspells you may be encountering in the final posts.  I’ll fix those later.

Then, there is the WordPress Dashboard.  So many options, so much ignorance (the one thing in all this that I can truly call “mine”).  Back-linking to some of the comments I have received has shown me how others utilize the blog construct, such as more pages.  Working on implementing that now.    …and I really do apologize for those two “OMG” posts.  It wasn’t really my fault;  back-linking made me do it!  (Just say the word, Sydney, and I’ll remove that reference to you — or trash the whole post, if that’s what you want, but, it’s not like more than 6 persons saw it.)

Mysteries, they’re all around us.  The one I am currently trying to fathom is this:  how in the world have you commenters and subscribers even found this blog to read?  I figured this would just be classroom homework (i.e., my shake-down cruise) for a month or so until I found the lever to sound my fog horn — I know there has to be one here somewhere (what is this RSS thingy, anyway?).  There are more things here, methinks, than Horatio ever dreamed.  (That’s just an off-hand remark to demonstrate that I have refinement — of sorts.   Horatio…   from Hamlet…  anything?)

Next up:  Agenda:  Looking Forward

 

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