Oh… My… G–

Posted on March 12, 2012. Filed under: General Interest, Humor, Nezza at Hella | Tags: , , , , , , , |

Shhhh!  The Captain, First Mate, and some Smart Dude are having a serious discussion.  Oh, I’m your DVD (Disembodied Vocal Dialogue) called in to direct you through this sudden and totally unforeseen emergency:

SID:  mmmm!   TheDean:  uhhmmfffmtm.  S. Dude:  Ah…   what exactly is it you want me to do?  TheDean:  Uhhhh, well…   SID:  Okay, look, Cap’n here can’t put together today’s promised post because of his… torn nails.  S. Dude:  That’s why the band aids on his fingers there?  SID:  Yeah.  TheDean:  It wasn’t my fault.  It was that picture…   SID:  It’s okay, Cap’n, let me get him started.  Anyway, Dude, the Cap’n records everything in here, and, he wants you to take that audio and run it through one of your super machines and convert it to text.   He can then use that as his replacement post for  today.  S. Dude:  I’ll try, but, no guarantees.

DVD:  Oh, goody!  Smart Dude just hit the “play” button.

S-I-D!!?  Yes, Cap’n?  HELP ME OUT HERE.  I NEED SOME JOHNSON AND JOHNSON BAND AIDS.  Don’t have any.  Will Curads work?  I DON’T CARE WHICH!  JUST HURRY.  (state room door opens, shuts)  Are we gonna need any NeoSporin or Bactine?   LATER, MAYBE.  JUST GET THOSE THINGS OVER MY FINGER TIPS.  Is that your smart phone there?  What are those scratch marks on the touch screen?  IT’S NOT MY FAULT.  IT WAS JUST…      THERE… ON THE SCREEN.  Wow!  Samsung will be thrilled.  They’re going to sell a new phone.  T-Mobile is gonna charge you big time for a replacement.  IT’S NOT MY FAULT, I TELL YOU!

DVD:  Before this goes on too long, let me note that TheDean01 is practicing plugging brand names into this blog.  The poor unfortunates listed here have neither solicited, nor paid for, any embarrassment…   I mean, advertisement…   associated with this post.  Back to the audio.

IT’S THAT DST…   FIRST MORNING AFTER THE TIME CHANGE…   I HEARD A BEEP FROM THAT PHONE…   IT’S 7:30 AM AND STILL DARK…   I CHECKED THE EMAIL – A NEW SUBSCRIPTION TO THE BLOG – AND I HIT PROFILE AND THERE IT WAS THAT PICTURE…   Slow down Cap’n.  Is that part of a finger nail wedged between the edge of the screen and the frame?  How in the heck did you get that screen all scratched up?  THE PICTURE WAS LAYING ON ITS SIDE LIKE THOSE CENTER-FOLD PICTURES IN PLAYBOY OR PENTHOUSE AND IT WAS DARK AND I WAS STILL ASLEEP AND I TRIED REAL HARD TO OPEN THE FOLD OVER SO I COULD SEE THE WHOLE PICTURE…   Whoa!  Big boy.  And, you hit “profile” like this and………………………………………………………      Oh…   my…   G–  

DVD:  Smart Dude hit the “stop” button.

S. Dude:  That’s pretty lame, boys, but I’ll print it up and get it back to you this afternoon.  Hey, that phone really does have a scratched up screen.  Screw driver?  SID:  NO!  Don’t touch that “profile” button…   S. Dude:  Yeah, right!……………………………………………..Oh…   my…   G–

Next up:  Oh…   My…   G–  (Conclusion)

Special thanks to Sydney, Australia – I really needed that (Whew!  Somebody point that fan over here.)

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