Soul Candy

Posted on April 6, 2016. Filed under: Humor, Philosophy | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , |

I  simply love this place.  While it can be noisy at times, by and large there is usually a quiet corner where I can mellow out, sipping the sweet nectar from my life’s experiences.  Oft’ times, I follow Alice’s lead and pursue the White One down a rabbit hole where I can wonder at new sights, savor unusual concepts, and saunter down brightly lit exotic avenues — even yield to the invitation of a back-alley portico offering a slightly shadier ambiance.

Welcome.  This is my MALL OF LIFE, and, since it exists only in my Mind, it is one-of-a-kind; sorry, but, you can only read my descriptions of this place.  You are stuck with your own one-of-a-kind Mall of Life, which, though similar to mine, has been erected to accommodate your specific needs, preferences, and perceptions.  Just as we consider each individual to be a unique expression of life, so must the contents of each Mind be considered unique to each individual.

On a mechanistic plane, this “mall” is simply the Mind’s way of organizing one’s personal aggregation of life experiences, observations, speculations, conclusions and even fears and hopes.  Calling it a “mall” elevates one’s SELF to the status of active agent rather than that of dried leaf being blown willy-nilly before the Winds of Time.

Here in my mall, there are familiar and well-visited hallways and shops exhibiting a variety of tableaus, such as:

  • Cosmic Corner where science Smart Dudes hang out reviewing the renowned Autopsy Annual in which the (snicker) tenuous theories of alleged fellow members are reviewed, dissected, and ridiculed…   the pecking order reigns supreme even in the high-altitude towers of elite cliques.
  • Metaphysical Maze where religious Smart Dudes hang out discussing the implications of stuff like supernatural hair-splitting and the passage of a camel through the eye of a needle…   why does that sound strangely like cosmology?
  • The Comet’s Tail  Oasis where  mushroom spore tea is a favorite among nebulous-idea proponents hanging out in the neighborhood of the Cosmic Corner and the Metaphysical Maze.
  • The House of Robes, also known as The Hall of Changes, where politicians, religious charlatans, other scam artists, cause pushers and personal-agenda-minded proponents hang out.  But, The House also caters to the general public and everyyone — regardless of motivations — can dress to deflect scrutiny of their true selves.  Even a wolf can soften its appearance with finely crafted sheep’s attire offered at wholesale prices…   with no tell-tale paper trail. 
  • Feel Good Candy Shop, very popular and usually my first stop here.  Frequently, at least of late, it is the Dark Platitude Platter that I mull over, but I have been known to occasionally partake of the Bowl of Cherries with  a Silver Lining  on the side followed by a free sample of sweet Soul Candy. 

Not really feeling so good, I step into the candy shop and set my current issue of Politics for Dummies on the counter, take a seat and quickly scan the menu for entries suiting my darkened mood.  Going for slogans and adages, I settled on the Dark Platitude Platter, with a side of sour grapes.  What can I say, the gods have not been kind to me lately and, besides, who can be calm with all that pre-election damned-if-you-do damned-if-you-don’t hoopla?  Usually, after sampling morose, I indulge in complimentary soul candy.

My order placed, I picked up my dummy primer and flipped to the democracy section where representatives of the people face election trials and the one with the most votes gets to claim an office…   theoretically.  Didn’t I read the other day where one of the political horses in a 2-horse race won big, but, the distant runner-up was awarded all the marbles…   uh, delegates?  Worse, didn’t that happen at least twice?

Huh!!  I must have slept through more than one of my classes on the Blessings of Democracy for the Common Citizen because that just doesn’t sound right.

I thanked the waiter as he placed my order before me and tipped him with “if your socks are mismatched, you have another pair just like them at home.”  Currency, here in my mall, is somewhat unconventional.

Starting with a sour grape, I learn, “If you have any hope of winning the big lottery, you MUST BUY at least O N E number!  See what I’m saying?  UNREASONABLE CONDITIONS tied to everything good.  This pile of platitudes over here will probably not get any better:

  • No good deed goes unpunished (the 285th Ferengi Rule of Acquisition from the Star Trek universe)
  • If something can go wrong, it will…  (the renowned Murphy)
  • Man that is born of a woman is of few days and is full of trouble.  (Job 14.1, KJV Holy Bible)
  • Out, out, brief candle!  Life’s but a walking shadow, a poor player that struts and frets his hour upon the stage, and then is heard no more.  It is a tale told by and idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.  (Shakespeare’s play, Macbeth)

W H O A  !   This  stuff is just a bit heavier than I can handle right now.  I think I’ll skip the soul candy and go outside for a breath of fresh air (there is no smog in my mall).  OH!  Almost forgot my fortune cookie.

The “House of Robes” mentioned earlier, is just over there.  The kiosk inside is called the “Faux Facade Factory.”  Its name is actually larger than its occupied floor space, but it gets a tremendous amount of business:  virtually EVERYONE frequents it whenever they need to tune their expressions to hide their true feelings. You gotta use that product quickly since it has a short shelf life.  If you need a long-term fix, check over in the “Wolf’s Clothing” section for a mask to match your chosen long-term dual identity.

Well, I think I’ve over stayed my allotted time here for today and this cookie is sticky in my palm.   Let me check my fortune before I return to daily life:  “Eat,  drink, and be merry, for TOMORROW WE DIE.”

…why should I have expected more?








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