Business = C-A-S-H-C-O-W

Posted on June 18, 2012. Filed under: KBR | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , |

3rd in the series THE GREAT CLUSTER FU…   A treatise on questionable journalism and pre-litigation practices

Your word for the day: 

  • cash cow = A steady source of income.

There are many, many litigation attorneys.  Competition for clients must be fierce.  So fierce, in fact, they can’t simply wait for a mark injured party to walk in and drop a big suit on the desk.  They gotta sound the drums and beat the bushes trying to scare up prey business.  In the old days, they used to chase ambulances…   literally.  Sign up that client while he’s still woozy and bleeding.  Frowned upon by government, so, that was deemed unethical practice.  (Irony?  Politicians deeming another profession “unethical”?)

What’s a starving litigator to do?  You and your buds get together and urge the politicos (how many of them graduated from the same law school and would be practicing law again after being voted out of office?} to make it legal to advertise for business…   you know, chase all the ambulances at the same time in a virtual environment.  So, now, any time a story breaks about some study showing that a popular drug MAY have bad side effects (death is always an eye-catcher),  the clarion call-to-arms goes out, “IF YOU OR A LOVED ONE (that means a dead relative) HAVE EVER USED (insert brand name) OR BEEN WITHIN 500 FEET OF SOMEONE WHO DID. YOU MAY BE ENTITLED TO MONEY.”  There are a lot of “entitled” individuals out there, and recruitment operations will get lots of sign-ups.  Out of that, there will be enough that can be squeezed into the case parameters to promise a big payday for the litigator.  Now, the litigator doesn’t give a rat about your dead relatives, no matter how soothing his bedside manner.  It’s a big share of the expected settlement M-O-N-E-Y that he’s after.

It doesn’t matter whether the plaintiff really has a good claim.  So many frivolous claims get filed against businesses that they even have a name:  nuisance lawsuits.  It is often cheaper for the business to settle out-of-court (whether merited or not) than to spend thousands more at trial (win or lose); after all, you might as well use that liability insurance you’ve been paying for.  Attorneys specializing in this have found their spot at the milk farm and make a living tugging on the mere threat to file nuisance claims much like a farmer works a cow’s udder…   and associated parts.

Big business = Holy Cow!  There are those who aspire to the heights.  They are not content to milk those compliant domesticated cows, no sir-ree.  Here, we got your bona fide supermen, fearless milkers/litigators who brashly march that milking stool toward the business end of a Cape Buffalo, our metaphorical equivalent of BIG BUSINESS — the big ones that don’t keep a lawyer on retainer…   they have legal DEPARTMENTS at their beck and call.  True, there is the risk of some heavy-duty trampling, but, if you work it right…   lordy, lordy what a payday.

Next up:  No safety in numbers

Series references:  KBR, Mary L. Wade, Qarmat Ali, Doyle Raiznor, Ms. Sparky, litigation, sued, cluster, deposition, hexavalent chromium

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One Response to “Business = C-A-S-H-C-O-W”

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It’s exhausting to find knowledgeable people on this subject, but you sound like you know what you’re talking about! Thanks
You must take part in a contest for one of the best blogs on the web. I will advocate this site!


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