It’s Not My Fault!

Posted on June 11, 2012. Filed under: KBR, Piss Ants | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , |

1st of 25 in the series  The Great Cluster Fu…   A treatise on questionable journalism and pre-litigation  practices

Bil Keene’s Family Circus kids, in response to mom’s “Who did this?”  replied, “Not me!”  Mr. Not Me kept out of sight and lived in a sweat because he never knew when he might be fingered as the fall guy for someone else’s pratfall.

Mr. Not Me, you may try to hide, but, invisible or not, you live in the Litigation Nation (a.k.a., the U.S. of A.).  Here, nothing that someone does is ever his own fault or responsibility.  For you, there is a litigation attorney out there right now trying to dig up someone — anyone — with a cock-eyed story fingering you as the patsy who needs to pay for his very own mistake.  Specifics don’t really matter.  These litigators are really good at sleight of words, and, if you were breathing air in the same city at the time of the alleged indignity, your non-involvement can become deep involvement.  You could be sued, so, review everything you’ve done in the past ten years or so.  Be prepared to defend yourself against…   (?) to be announced by the litigator…   accussed possibly by someone you have never heard of.  Don’t think you have all the files from everything you did even 5 years ago?  Tsk!  Too bad, ’cause, believe me, that litigator will seize upon that as “still missing critical documentation”   Doubt your vulnerability?  Check out these unwitting targets.

Our old bud, Mickey D.  Been serving coffee to this little old lady (and a whole nation) for years.  HOT coffee, to be sure.  She wouldn’t have it any other way.  Seventy years she has been working out the principles of gravity and thermodynamics.  She knew that the handles on porcelain tea-  and coffee-cups stayed cool to the touch even though the lip-burning HOT liquid in the cup was…   well…   hot!  She knew that coffee was brewed using HOT water.  She knew that coffee kept its flavor while it was HOT.  She knew when she ordered and accepted it that her coffee was HOT.   She knew she should be careful in handling it, ’cause gravity works 100% of the time, and, that, regardless of circumstances, HOT always travels from a place of higher concentration (that coffee)  to a place of lower concentration (her lap).  Thus, the tendency to corral the stuff behind an insulated barrier from which it can be sipped carefully and safely.  EVERY coffee drinker since the invention of fire knows you got a tiger by the tail and, if you let it go, it gonna bite the livin’ crap outtayuh.

When acquiring all this data on heat hazards, there must have been some practical exercises reinforcing the knowledge.  She must have spilled hot stuff on herself numerous times during that 70-plus years of schooling.  Did she sue her parents for her klutziness when she was a minor?  Or her children when they were adults?  Or her husband when he brewed coffee for breakfast and she spilled the stuff onto her lap?  No!  And why not?  Because, it’s what everyone does from time to time.  That’s life!  They don’t call it the school of hard knocks for nothing.

Yeah, there is another reason.  None of them were loaded with money nor had to drag around a lot of bad press engendered by the nightly news and stoked by an unknown number of litigation attorneys.   They weren’t big business.

Next up:  Brain-dead juries

Series references:  KBR, Mary L. Wade, Qarmat Ali, Doyle Raiznor, Ms. Sparky, litigation, sued, cluster, deposition

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