Hermes: Get It Any Way You Can

Posted on March 9, 2012. Filed under: Humor, Mythology | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , |

Now, where were we?  Oh, yeah…   wealth…   filthy lucre and all that.  Our boy, Hermes, really cornered the marked on departmental titles.  He didn’t just run lust…   loose…   run loose in the woods and meadow lands, but, he even got a gig overseeing dreams (maybe this is where that caught-in-public-in-your-undies-or-stark-naked dream got its start), and, (big surprise) ran the national fertility clinic; you know how your Greek gods are.  And, shades of your Irish leprechaun, he dispensed any good fortune you came across, be it a fortunate windfall, treasure that “fell” from a passing wagon, or something you found behind an unlocked door not yours.  Are you ready for this?  That old hustler even ran a hearse service transporting passengers from the Here and Now to the great unknown of the Underworld.  No doubt he collected fares.

There were downsides to his business…   like with the deity of highways gig.  To be relevant to humans, since gods didn’t really need to use roadways, he had the job of protecting travelers, also.  Those would be the same people who worshiped him and celebrated his birthday with him on the fourth of the month — every month.  So, if, after a long chase, he cornered a reluctant nymph out in the dark woods, and, at the same time, a wayward traveler called out in distress, decisions had to be made.  What takes precedence — hard-won rewards of a long chase or a careless human who shouldn’t be out in the dark in the first place?  It’s a bureaucrat’s worst nightmare:  perks vs. duty.

Just how did Hermes get all these assignments?  My guess is he was a suck-up.  Take that messenger-of-the-gods thing.  I can just see a juvenile Hermes sneaking around Mount Olympus listening to the gossip, then high-tailing it over to another god’s digs and telling all.  Hermes was the son of a god, but not just any god; he was a prince among gods.  So, what can you do about it?  Shrug, and go with the flow.  Hera spots Hermes skulking around in her sunroom listening to her diss Maia.  She whips out an RSVP note for an upcoming party, and calls Hermes over and says, “Look, kid, since you’re going over to Maia’s anyway, take this note for me.”  A prompt reply was required, so she issued a neat set of winged boots for Hermes to wear for ASAP delivery, “and wait for a reply.”  Yet another departmental title racked up.  That Hermes really had the moves.  Did I mention he also had a silver tongue?  As the god of rhetoric his gift of gab served him well. 

Next up:  Hi-yo Quicksilver.  Awaaayyy!

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One Response to “Hermes: Get It Any Way You Can”

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